This post is going to be as boring as the title. Its going to be pictureless and filled with my thoughts. So its best not to read it lest you get bored.

I need to type out what I’m thinking before the brain explodes.

You see, could someone be friends we these people, hang out with them, have fun with them, but feel so disconnected like a seprate entity?

Its like being in a pack of wolves but instead of wanting to hunt for prey, you want to eat vegetables.

I laugh at the jokes because its a requirement, I pretend to be jovial because its a given, I act as if I’m the happiest being on earth because of expectations.

But I thought friendship wasn’t supposed to be so hard. I thought you could be yourself and yet be accepted.

Yet the friend that each and every one of my friends wants me to be, I cannot be.

Sometimes with them, I desperately want to say NO but by saying such a simple two letter word, you get ousted from the clique with a snap of their fingers.

Yea, they are nice people, but they are also insanely boring people to me.

I love people who think about the intellectual side, who knows how to crap but also knows the time to be serious.

I don’t really fancy young screaming girls giggling over nothing even though I’m supposed to be one of them.

The jokes they do aren’t funny, the things they say I can’t bring myself to give a positive response.

And when anyone else gives a negative response, its expected and normal.

I do it, and then I get killed immediately.

You say, if being friends is so hard, why not just stop?

Because I would still like to believe and I would like to try to always remember the times when they were serious.

Or rather the times when they talked about how they could be serious. (Even if they never are).

Because I would still like to lie to myself that I didn’t know a bunch of people who never think of their future but only thinks about the fun they can have now and make use of people when the time comes along.

But maybe what lies beneath all my frustration is I just never want to realise that they are my friends simply because they want to make use of me.

This must be real.

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